Prelude: This blog is inspired by a little creative exercise i did to get a foot into my latest job. This is what i wrote about then, and it turned out to be all kinds of awesome. Therefore, here it is , on my blog, for the entire universe to consume.
The year was 1632 . It was a bright summer day. The kind of day when you feel like nothing could go wrong. The sun is out, innocent children are out playing, the cow is chewing and hope and joy resonates all over. So when "It" was born that day, nobody could have predicted the doom and destruction it would bring. But "it"'s parents "Mr & Mrs Lack of Ideas"(people had weird names back then) knew. They grew "It" to be the best it could be and gave it their full support. That, howver, turned out to be not such a great idea for humanity(or, for that matter animality ,fishality and birdality).
"It" was known as Writers block. And it was EVIL. As it grew, people around it started to notice its sheer malevolence. It was as if the dark lord had chosen earth as his playground and the writers block was its agent. Innocent people didnt know what hit them. It was as if all originality and innovation were suddenly drained out of their bodies and all there was left was........everything else.
Writers block is immortal. It lives through the ages and it has caused some of the greatest tragedies. Not many know but all the Wars on our planet have been caused by boredom from not having anything interesting to read. Writers block kills more people per year than Sharktopus, Godzilla and Rakhi sawant combined. Now that is scary.And it can strike anyone, anywhere when you most expect it.
And there is nothing you can do to save yourself. Me, myself have had an uncontrolloable urge to stab myself with the keyboard (I tried, it just works better with pens). You can just wait. Because Writers block is there. In your room. And it's watching you.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Did you talk to your Pan Card today?
So here i was. Travelling to work by one of those Mumbai/Bombay Local Trains. And then i see it. And i notice this Pamphlet on one of the walls. "PAN Cards are compulsory now!" "Get one made today for just Rs299!" "Sitting at Home!". Nothing Unusual. You,ve all seen a bunch of these. But today i saw a line that stuck out. I had probably seen it before but didnt really give a Shit. "We make all TYPES of PAN Cards". Now this got me thinking. What TYPES could there be? What are they not telling us? Are PAN Cards evolving? Do they know you? Are you being watched?
I might have gotten a little ahead of myself here. But anyways, These are the TYPES of Cards that i think could/should exist:-
Pan Cards that fly.
Frying PAN cards.
Pan Cards that do cartwheels.
Pan Cards that ponder the reason for our existence.
Pan Cards that fight crime. Ooh, Oooh, even better they should be like:- SuperCards, BatCards, SpideyCards, IronCards?
Pan Cards that just sit there.
Pan Cards that are there for you when you are lonely.
Pan Cards that wonder if the Recent Gulf Oil Spill will have a permanent effect on the local ecosystem and what could be done to prevent that.
Evil Pan Cards (With an Axe).
Pan Cards that know what you did last summer.
Pan Cards that run in marathons.
Pan Cards that love YOU.
Pan cards that YOU love.
Pan Cards that are insecure about how others view them.
Pan Cards that are like YOU.
Pan Cards that are like ME.
Pan Cards that just want to live their lives simply and spread joy & find happiness. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i learnt something that day. No matter what TYPE of PAN Card you have, Its important for you to accept it as it is with all its flaws and issues. Because if it was any other Type, it wouldnt be YOUR Pan Card, would it?
I might have gotten a little ahead of myself here. But anyways, These are the TYPES of Cards that i think could/should exist:-
Pan Cards that fly.
Frying PAN cards.
Pan Cards that do cartwheels.
Pan Cards that ponder the reason for our existence.
Pan Cards that fight crime. Ooh, Oooh, even better they should be like:- SuperCards, BatCards, SpideyCards, IronCards?
Pan Cards that just sit there.
Pan Cards that are there for you when you are lonely.
Pan Cards that wonder if the Recent Gulf Oil Spill will have a permanent effect on the local ecosystem and what could be done to prevent that.
Evil Pan Cards (With an Axe).
Pan Cards that know what you did last summer.
Pan Cards that run in marathons.
Pan Cards that love YOU.
Pan cards that YOU love.
Pan Cards that are insecure about how others view them.
Pan Cards that are like YOU.
Pan Cards that are like ME.
Pan Cards that just want to live their lives simply and spread joy & find happiness. Is that too much to ask for?
I think i learnt something that day. No matter what TYPE of PAN Card you have, Its important for you to accept it as it is with all its flaws and issues. Because if it was any other Type, it wouldnt be YOUR Pan Card, would it?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Indifferent MAN! BACK on Unpopular Demand!
"pee poo! pee poo! pee poo! pee poo! pee poo" the annoying lil alarm sound on the mobile went. A hand reached for it. There was a reminder on the darn thing. "Wake up and SAVE THE WORLD" it said. The hand turned the mobile off and the man attached to the hand went back to sleep. "Or NOT!"
3 Hours later
The Man attached to the hand that turned off the mobile after reading the reminder on the alarm a.k.a INDIFFERENT MAN (refer to previous post for more details on this incredible awesome fantastic being) woke up. He was Hungry.
He was confused. Should he take a piss first or just head for the fridge and bother about relieving himself for a later time? Life was full of so many such tough , introspective questions. He made a note to self -MOVE THE FUCKIN FRIDGE INTO THE BATHROOM. Genius.
MEANWHILE, at a different postal address
Professor Evil was bored. Professor Evil was a dangerous man when he was bored. which was Most of the time. There was so much world domination to do, but he couldnt think of a clever, original way to do it. Becoming the head of a state, supressing innocent citizens, taking away liberties, genocide, waging a meaningless war had all been done before. He was thinking of creating an army of obedient zombie werewolves, but he preferred his dead to stay dead. And then it struck him. It was so beautiful in its simplicity. He was GOING TO...
BACK IN INDIFFERENT MANs DEN:-
Indifferent Man Switched on the TV and started channel surfing. At channel no 69, Some News channel reporter was screaming her head off "Intercourse me sideways! I am at the site here where Professor evil has unleashed his latest Evil Plan. What he has done is so Sadistic , its Unimaginable, Undescribable, Inexplicable, Professor EVIL HAS....." Nothing Good on TV.
Beer! There was need of beer. He was almost out of beer. so That meant he had to go get more beer. Like a lot of it. Beer was outside, In that place where u had to pay the person to get the beer. Therefore, to get beer, he would need to get outside. Indifferent Man was a Master of Deduction.
OUTSIDE!!!!
There was Silence. Not a soul, not a sound.....not even a whoosh of leaves rustling. Indifferent man whistled just to make sure he had not gone deaf from all the.....Listening to nothing. He could hear the whistle allright. Hmmm.....Had everybody died, Had the world ended? , Was he just imagining this? All a dream?, Was he dead and this was Hell (or Heaven)? , Was this the quiet before the Real Loud Anti-Climatic Storm?.......SUDDENLY! He felt like he was being watched. There was a Presence. He Took a Deep Breath. He Knew It was Time. He could feel it in his bones. Ha had to do what he was destined for. There was just no escaping. He Put his hand deep into the lower pocket of his cargos and drew out the ball. He Looked at the presence in the eye and said "GO Fetch Skippy!" to the Street Dog. Skippy just licked himself and walked off. **Heavy Pause**AAH WELL, Who gave a Shit, Now where do u get the beer here?
And thus, The Indifferent Man set out............
THE BLOODY FUCKIN END!!!!!!!!!!
3 Hours later
The Man attached to the hand that turned off the mobile after reading the reminder on the alarm a.k.a INDIFFERENT MAN (refer to previous post for more details on this incredible awesome fantastic being) woke up. He was Hungry.
He was confused. Should he take a piss first or just head for the fridge and bother about relieving himself for a later time? Life was full of so many such tough , introspective questions. He made a note to self -MOVE THE FUCKIN FRIDGE INTO THE BATHROOM. Genius.
MEANWHILE, at a different postal address
Professor Evil was bored. Professor Evil was a dangerous man when he was bored. which was Most of the time. There was so much world domination to do, but he couldnt think of a clever, original way to do it. Becoming the head of a state, supressing innocent citizens, taking away liberties, genocide, waging a meaningless war had all been done before. He was thinking of creating an army of obedient zombie werewolves, but he preferred his dead to stay dead. And then it struck him. It was so beautiful in its simplicity. He was GOING TO...
BACK IN INDIFFERENT MANs DEN:-
Indifferent Man Switched on the TV and started channel surfing. At channel no 69, Some News channel reporter was screaming her head off "Intercourse me sideways! I am at the site here where Professor evil has unleashed his latest Evil Plan. What he has done is so Sadistic , its Unimaginable, Undescribable, Inexplicable, Professor EVIL HAS....." Nothing Good on TV.
Beer! There was need of beer. He was almost out of beer. so That meant he had to go get more beer. Like a lot of it. Beer was outside, In that place where u had to pay the person to get the beer. Therefore, to get beer, he would need to get outside. Indifferent Man was a Master of Deduction.
OUTSIDE!!!!
There was Silence. Not a soul, not a sound.....not even a whoosh of leaves rustling. Indifferent man whistled just to make sure he had not gone deaf from all the.....Listening to nothing. He could hear the whistle allright. Hmmm.....Had everybody died, Had the world ended? , Was he just imagining this? All a dream?, Was he dead and this was Hell (or Heaven)? , Was this the quiet before the Real Loud Anti-Climatic Storm?.......SUDDENLY! He felt like he was being watched. There was a Presence. He Took a Deep Breath. He Knew It was Time. He could feel it in his bones. Ha had to do what he was destined for. There was just no escaping. He Put his hand deep into the lower pocket of his cargos and drew out the ball. He Looked at the presence in the eye and said "GO Fetch Skippy!" to the Street Dog. Skippy just licked himself and walked off. **Heavy Pause**AAH WELL, Who gave a Shit, Now where do u get the beer here?
And thus, The Indifferent Man set out............
THE BLOODY FUCKIN END!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
THE SOLE ADVENTURE OF "INDIFFERENT MAN"!
The world is a scary place. It is full of scary people who want to do scary things. And sometimes they are more obvious than you would imagine...they have ruffled, uncombed greying hair, a squint in one eye and wear ill-fitting pants with a light-brown shirt and a tweed coat. And through some weird twist of fate (the back story of which i will conveniently forget to develop), they accquire enough nuclear weaponry to annhilate a few small planets. Lets call one such person Professor EVIL ( Am so original).
Such times call for a Hero unlike any other, a Hero who has the intellect, strength and agility far beyond any being in the DC or Marvel universe. A Hero whose mere mention is enough to make grown men seek the shelter of mama kangaroo,s pouch (i know, strange example). And there WAS such a hero. His name was "INDIFFERENT MAN" **shudders** ***collective gasp***
Indifferent man had super strength, super speed, super flying, super hearing, super smartness, super costume, super style , super sheer awesomeness although he chose to never display any of these super qualities because in his own words he "COUDNT BE BOTHERED".
And when the day came when Professor EVIL had decided to destroy every living being on the planet , on a whim, the world needed the hero more than any other time.
"All of YOU are going to DIE! i am gonna nuke the entire planet, and each and every one of you will have ur skin peeled of you! and even if you survive, you will Never survive the radiation, and even if you survive the radiation, you will NEVER survive the attack of the mutant Weasels!" Screamed Professor EVIL from a popular public platform
"OHKK! Fair enough!" the wise guy from the audience replied back "but if you nuke people from here , arent you gonna die the abovementioned gruesome deaths too, i mean shouldnt you be in a nuke-proof bunker or something?"
"AAH! i couldnt be bothered with the details, What matters is that my name will go down in History! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......."
"Point taken!" wise guy again "but if everybody dies, who is gonna report this remarkable achievement? i mean doesnt it defeat the point?"
"uhhh, errrmmmm.....You ask too many questions, stop pointing out loopholes in the PLOT! Now Play ALONG! say AARGHHHHH, we are all gonna DIE!"
Collective Scream- "AARGHHH, we r ALL GONNA DIE! " Terrified women in front of the camera "INDIFFERENT MAN! Where are you? Come SAVE us!
MEANWHILE!
Indifferent man woke up, put on his bunny slippers, stumbled into his bathroom, brushed his teeth, picked the newspapers, went back to the loo and took a dump and THOUGHT about taking a shower.
Back at the UNSPECIFIED PLACE amidst chaos and general public fear
Professor EVIL proclaimed "Nobody will save you, Not even god, Not any superhero, not the police, not any paramilitary forces, Not any random guy with a sniper rifle or a stone, while i just stand here unguarded with just a remote control in my hand and clearly not focussed! I will now continue with more of my evil maniacal Laugh! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
MORE public chaos , screaming , burning of buses and looting of electronic stores.
MEANWHILE,
INDIFFERENT MAN shaved, decided against a shower, took out some milk and cornflakes from the fridge, vaccumed the floor and generally scratched himself (and then some more).
BACK to U KNOW WHERE
Professor EVIL Shouted out" Anybody here with a BLUE TOYOTA COROLLA behind a Red Swift in front of Lazeez restauarant! please move your CAR! you are blocking the way of this nice family! Its precisely because of insensitive idiots like YOU that i am annhilating this planet!"
MEANWHILE
INDIFFERENT Man did nothing. Literally.
BACK TO the same place,
Professor EVIL THUNDERED" I,m bored. Am gonna go home. Lets do this again sometime tomorrow. Nice terrorizing you guys. Cheers!"
MORE Random screaming, burning of random cars, looting of electronics and underwear stores, And stone pelting at police.
MEANWHILE
INDIFFERENT MAN's Girlfriend came home. "Look what i looted today,honey! Look at this dress , and i got YOU this jacket! Do u like it?"
"hmmm!"
"GUESS WHY I GOT ALL OF THIS! I Am sure you dont even remember!"
"uhhh.....!"
"ITS OUR ANNIVERSARY!"
"So!?"
And thats the last anybody ever heard of INDIFFERENT MAN!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The Get-Together (Dont read, this is BAD, really BAD!)
Pres-Script: Really guys, this is my weakest Blog post, one that am not particular proud of. The only reason i post is to remind myself and you guys how much i can suck. Well, most of you know already but what the heck, if you want to experience something worse than getting run over by a rabid mutant chipmunk on wheels , this would be just about perfect.
"OOH, A Butterfly!"
"Ok, You,re Drunk" Adit said, cuz the butterfly Harry was pointing at was his nose and it didnt look anything like one. "Yeah, SO FUCK YOU!" Harry said and promptly broke into a crazy laughter at his supposed joke.
"OYE, No Bad Language....Shame on you, , YOU DUMB SHIT" Reet screamed"Remember, you got a LADY sitting here" Harry responded with More laughter. "Lady dee lagdi chachi, hehehehehehe"
"I,m SOO GONNA KICK YOUR ASS HARRY" Reet reacted , " and i am NOT kidding" "Bwahahahahaha, OOh , am soo scared , LOoK! my Hands are trembling" Harry responded, He could be an absolute annoying idiot at times, and he knew it, and unfortunately, enjoyed it.
"Thats IT!" Reet startied to get up. Adit knew he had to do something to break it up, " Meg and I Are getting Married! NEXT WEEK!" .........."WHAT! WHAT de FUCK, REALLY!" REET said, Harry was too drunk to notice, was still laughing. " NO, i just had to see that Look on your Face".....Adit Cracked up Laughin . "L.A.M.E" commened Reet, Harry couldnt care less.
"WHAAAAAMMMMM!!!" Out of Nowhere, Some THING Crashed right through the wall. It Kinda Looked Like a Silver Plate with a Round, spehere on top of it. The sphere thing got dislodged Inside was this Lil Green Guy, About 3 Feet High, With a Long Bulbous , BABOON-esque Nose, and sharp, questioning eyes. Its hair was styled in a slicked -back mafia look , only that they were more tentacles than hair. He Looked a Lil shaken, but more irritated than anything else. "SHMUKHIN SHLITHERINESH" it Cried out as it jumped out, and stomped out of its SPACESHIP?
Reet, Adit and Harry just stared, not sure whether to be scared, surprised or to just try waking up. "WHASH AAKH SHOO OO KIN AATH!?" the Lil green guy snapped at them.
They just stared. Suddenly the Lil Green Guy started twitching , like a LOT. He was twitching all over the place, "he is dancing" said Reet!, "Nope, he is clearly having a fit!" said Adit. "Naah, i think he is about to explode." Said Harry.
And then The Lil Green Guy EXPLODED! "I said so!" said Harry. But Underneath the explosion was Littler, Greener Guy. "HAHAHAHAHA...I GOT YOU! That was my Costume/Disguise! I Scared you good, dint i?"
"Yeah , ok! WHO the fuck are you?"
"I am the greatest warrior from the Planet ASSHBOOGER, and your apartment is the venue of An InterPlanetary Battle for Supremacy! And excuse me, for its time for you to DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....TEEEHHEEEE, He, he.....OOOO,HOOOHOOO, **Gasp for air**.....HAHAHAHHOOOOOOOOOHuuummmmmmm!
The 3 stared. "i think it WAS kinda funny, hehe" Harry chuckled.
"HEEHE......HE......HE.....HAAAAAA......! Ok, Ok, But seriously U,ve gotta Die!" and Promptly Took out a Light Saber. Right Then, Another Room Wall Crashed and there stood a Mothafuckin TYRANNOSAURUS REX in A Pirate COSTUME, Complete with the Hook hand and the Eye patch and well, u know , you can imagine this. (I am so gonna get a Tattoo of this)
"AAARGHHH........NOT SO FAST, Lil Green Guy!" He Thundered.
"Hmm...Who are YOU Now?"Adit was kinda gettin tired of his apartment getting torn apart "Who do u think i am? I am a MOTHAFUCKIN PIRATE T-REX!"
"So, we meet again, Mothafuckin Pirate T-Rex!" Lil Green guy looked business "You r saying my name wrong, ur supposed to say it with the Caps Lock On!"
"Ok, so we meet again, MOTHAFUCKIN PIRATE T-REX!" and promptle Jumped across the room to attack the Beast with his LightSaber, YEAH!
"Interplanetary Alien Fight! Woohoo! Hey women, get some Popcorn" Harry ordered Reet who promptly ignored it.
The 2 Aliens were having an EPIC BATTLE, A Battle for the AGES, A BATTLE of MEGA-BADASSERY , A Battle of Unrestrained FEROCITY. Also, it was kinda cute, the lil guy looked like a green baby and T-rex holding the big Pirate Sword. But like VIOLENT, GORY Cute.
"What now?" Adit asked. "I bet 500 Rs, T-REX gonna win" Harry said. "You Gotta be kiddin me.............The Lil green Guy has got a Fuckin Lightsaber! and look at him, he is a sneaky lil bastard. 500 Rs, you r on!" Reet Liked Bets.
And just when they were getting used to this inter-galactic battle of space warriors of monstrous proportions, The Doorbell Rung. Adit went to check. He checked through the Door Keyhole.....and standing there was WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.
"Harry, Reet! Its William Shakespeare...should i let him in?" Adit called out.
"Hmm.....wasnt he like supposed to be dead. Like 400 ages ago. Anyways, might as well. Get him in"
Adit opened the door. "Hi, I am William Shakespeare. Art there a Tiny Green Alien and a MOTHAFUCKIN PIRATE T-REX here?". So asked the bard.
" Uhh, Yes There is?" So replied the Adit.
"Oh, Thank the Lord" said Will
"Whats happening Here? And YOU died ages ago. Are you a zombie? and How do you know about the inter galctic space battle?" Harry had a lot of questions
"Oh, Well i didnt really die. I Had been working on the Time-Space continium as u might have derived from my writings. During one of my experiments , i accidentally created a matter consuming Space Warp. To Prevent the destruction of Humanity as it existed, i Flung myself into it and plugged it from inside , but not before leaving a lifeless Clone of myself to Prevent Panic and Chaos" William explained
"Uh, HUH ....we are following" Said the trio of Friends as T-Rex Created a Fart Force filed in the background to obstructs Lil Green guys Deathly Laser Rays.
"So, well, Thou see i am in space and i figured i got to do the Best of the situation. Have been traveling the infinite Meta-Universe ever Since.To Fund It, I got a Job as A Nanny for these kids!" Said William Shakespeare.
"KIDS! FAHK ME SIDEWAYS, This is NOT an Epic SPACE BATTLE For the Ages?. GODDAMMIT!" Harry wasn't pleased.
"Oh, Am sorry. I hope they haven't been much trouble. One minute i go to the kitchen to make them some delicious Home-made cookies and i come back to find them sneaking out on their spaceships. I looked all over the Milky way for them.Thank you so much. Time to Come HOME KIDS!" William Shakespeare said.
"But NOOO.....I don't WANNA GO HOME." Cried T-Rex "Can we stay some more time, PLEASE Lady WILLIE!?" Asked the Lil Green Guy
"Noo....Momma-Papa must be worried sweetie kins. U know what. We,ll shoot down some Planets!"
"OHKAAAY!"
And just like that, The Lil Green guy, The MOTHAFUCKIN PIRATE T-REX and William Shakespeare Left the apartment.
"Tell me about it!" said Adit
"Hey, They left behind the space cookies.....**Crunch** Yummmmmmmee....who wants same!?"
"FREE Space cookies....YAYYYYYYY!"
THE END!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
SELF INDULGENT CRAP INFORMATION OVERLOAD!
I am gonna write a song and it wont rhyme, But if it does , is that a crime? WooHooo....
I,ll speak of pretty things and funky dreams . yeah, i am crazy or so it seems. WoooHooo...
I,ll be so random and so strange, wud u like to have an apple or an orange? WoooHoooo....
Its a freaky lil world that i live in, its kinda like a very pretty dustbin. WooHoooo......
HEY! i am a genius.....and u should bow to ME, HEY! would u shut up now and get me some iced tea.
I,ve got pretty eyelashes and hairy legs, and i love eatin chicken but dont eat eggs. WooHoooo.....
I make strange sounds and crazy faces, and sometimes when i write, i dontleavespaces. WooHooo....
Here i go again, poking at your head, and by the end of it , YOU,d wish that u were dead. WooHooo.....
HEY! I am genius....and u should bow to ME. HEY! Come here, You lucky thing, I will smack you good for FREE!
I,m the Master of My world and i,ll do as i please, Be it hidin in the bush or climbing up the trees. woohooo.....
I,ve been where no man has gone before, but now am back and i,m a little sore. OOHOOOO....
I can read your mind when u hate this blog. Really, i dont care, so go kiss a frog. WOOHOOO
HEY! I am a genius and u should bow to ME. HEY! i am done with this, now i,ll go and pee!
Friday, May 15, 2009
HIGH
There is this closet, i call it my Mind and sometimes it gets all , FUNKY.
I exhaust myself trying to keep up with all that keeps popping up inside it
and its getting me all.....FUZZY...cuz now i see the moon and its like this
Giant disco Light bouncing off this Kaleidoscope of colors off me....RED, YELLOW,
BLUE, MAGENTA.......BOOM!!!
Am i Crazy?, Have i lost my mind?.......NAAH, i am just SUPERCOOL!!!!
P.S:- Kaleidoscope is such a fun word!! KALEIDOSCOPAAAHHHH!!!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
From Darkness to Feeling Light
DISCLAIMER: all the events and people in this are purely a figment of my imagination and any resemblance to you or any other people is purely co-incidental and well, lets face it, somewhat freaky.
SUB-DISCLAIMER: If any part of my lil story disgust u or make u feel like running towards a charging train or gaze at nothingness.....well, too bad, but try looking at the bright side.....IT IS a story about courage and Hope and fighting against all odds, although the odds have never been this odd.
Ok. here we go........
" I SHOULD SOOO NOT HAVE HAD MILK AND BANANAS BEFORE I LEFT", SID thought, to himself. Meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time was never a good time to have an upset stomach....and this was way worse than an upset stomach, he needed to unload a few BIG ONES to feel any better.
"Hullo beta, its so NICE to finally meet you. We,ve heard so much about you from riya."
Sid smiled and nodded. Riya,s mum seemed sweet. If only he didnt have a whirlwind in his lower tummy, he could have given her a more comprehensible reply. Sid thought about his alternatives:
1. LET fly a few, and lose all chance of ever coming withing a 1km radius of the girl that he actually really likes , or for that matter , anybody she knows.
2. Hold them in, and spend the next couple of hours in complete agony, and try not to think about what were the possible implications
3. Excuse himself to the restroom, which seemed like the best option, but could he risk that kind of stench in his girlfriends place. i mean he knew his farts, and these werent the kinds that any ordinary room freshener could combat (yes, i have been talking abt farts....if u havent gotten that already)
4.Hold his breath in and die.
There was no way out, he was doomed
"Wats wrong kuchu, u look so distracted?" Riya said, snapping sid out of his deep, very important thoughts. KUCHU!!!......he cudnt believe she actually called him that in front of her MOM!.
"Haan beta, are you ok?"
"Nahi aunty, i am fine, i was just admiring your house, its very beautiful". Right ON, he wanted to pat himself on the back for that one, but figured he cudnt risk too much physical movement.
"OH, Thank you so much, beta. You just sit here and talk to riya....would u like some Tea?"
" NO TEA!!!!" he almost shouted, as riya and her mum looked at him quizzingly. "I mean, i dont drink tea" "Why, i didnt know that! Didnt u have tea when we stopped over at the chailwallah when u were dropping me home last week? ", riya said, trying to figure.
"Well, i just kinda quit, uh, you know, the whole nicotine thingy, i mean it isnt so good for u, so u know , i am just trying to quit, yeah"
" OHKKK.......so i guess that crosses out coffee , u know, cuz of the caffeiene?"
"Bless YOU , LADY!" Sid thought......."uh, yes, i am afraid. Dont go through any trouble aunty, i have a full stomach anyway( and i sooooo wish that wasnt true)
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE DARK AND DEEP INSIDE SID
The Fart General addressed his men " My smelly comrades, the time has come for us to fulfill our destiny, to realize what we were created for. We shall have to fight, and some of us might not make it, but we SHALL GET OUR FREEDOM FROM THIS DARK CONFINES, We WILL Push towards the LIGHT......and we will NOT get out with a whimper.....but with a BANG!
The fart army went into a frenzy....they knew it was TIME. The Fart General continued" So its time we Push , Fight, wriggle or squeeze our way out by all means necessary. For we have to make way for our LORD, KING POOP! ALL HAIL KING POOP"
"ALL HAIL KING POOP! ALL HAIL KING POOP!" the farts cried out loud in unison.
Sid, felt frantic activity inside his bum...he knew it was just a matter of time. and did he just hear " all hail king poop?"
Riya saw him all tensed..."Baby, i know its weird to be meeting my folks, look at the bright side, dad isnt home yet, plus they r cool, they wnt eat u up. i hope u understand , i am not puttin any pressure on u"
AAaaarggghhhh! wat did she just say.......somethin abt pressure and eating and dad. Sid just nodded. Riya went nervous "is there anything u wanna share with me, kuchu?"
Yes, i need to FART! Fart like the wind, Fart like fire, Fart like no man in the history of this planet has ever farted before, BAD!! SO BAD, u cant even imagine!, well, he WISHED he CUD HAVE SAID THAT. But he managed "No sweetiepie....i,m fine. Just a lil nervous, but i,ll survive. Relax, your kuchu is ok" .
He hated baby talk (the things one does for love). His stomach grunted......
"Hehehehehe....." Sid laughed nervously. wat else cud he do?
Inside, The Fart army kept pushing away and toiling to make a way out against a seemingly insurmountable block of vaccum. They knew they had to go out and let the world Know that they had ARRIVED and it was their time, NOTHING was gonna stop them.
"C,mon BABY!!! u can tell me, wats wrong?."riya said, she was worried now. maybe he wanted to tell her something, maybe he didnt want her, maybe he was hiding something, did he really love her???...........
That was it. He looked at her, he smiled, knowing that it was time. "Riya, baby, i love ya.....and i always will" He got up.....Riya,s mum had just entered, she was looking worried too. He just stared....and finally he knew what he had to do, well atleast he had no other options. He saw the door, he saw SUNLIGHT pouring in....HE RAN........ the Fart army was almost there, they knew they had done it, they saw the opening, the hole, the LIGHT, and THEY RAN.
There it was, (imagine this in slow motion with poignant music playing in the background)...The run for freedom,the run from treachery, the run to THE LIGHT. Sid knew he didnt have long, he thought he heard somebody calling him, but nuthin mattered anymore...it was just him and the light, At the same time, the hole kept on getting bigger and brighter ...and the army cud almost taste the world outside.
Sid reached for the knob, as the 1st fart took off for the jump to freedom......the DOOR opened.....and the LIGHT ENVELOPED THEM.
THE END
P.S :- Okay, that is it. Nobody died. No Animals, Farts or Sids were harmed during the making of this Post.
SUB-DISCLAIMER: If any part of my lil story disgust u or make u feel like running towards a charging train or gaze at nothingness.....well, too bad, but try looking at the bright side.....IT IS a story about courage and Hope and fighting against all odds, although the odds have never been this odd.
Ok. here we go........
" I SHOULD SOOO NOT HAVE HAD MILK AND BANANAS BEFORE I LEFT", SID thought, to himself. Meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time was never a good time to have an upset stomach....and this was way worse than an upset stomach, he needed to unload a few BIG ONES to feel any better.
"Hullo beta, its so NICE to finally meet you. We,ve heard so much about you from riya."
Sid smiled and nodded. Riya,s mum seemed sweet. If only he didnt have a whirlwind in his lower tummy, he could have given her a more comprehensible reply. Sid thought about his alternatives:
1. LET fly a few, and lose all chance of ever coming withing a 1km radius of the girl that he actually really likes , or for that matter , anybody she knows.
2. Hold them in, and spend the next couple of hours in complete agony, and try not to think about what were the possible implications
3. Excuse himself to the restroom, which seemed like the best option, but could he risk that kind of stench in his girlfriends place. i mean he knew his farts, and these werent the kinds that any ordinary room freshener could combat (yes, i have been talking abt farts....if u havent gotten that already)
4.Hold his breath in and die.
There was no way out, he was doomed
"Wats wrong kuchu, u look so distracted?" Riya said, snapping sid out of his deep, very important thoughts. KUCHU!!!......he cudnt believe she actually called him that in front of her MOM!.
"Haan beta, are you ok?"
"Nahi aunty, i am fine, i was just admiring your house, its very beautiful". Right ON, he wanted to pat himself on the back for that one, but figured he cudnt risk too much physical movement.
"OH, Thank you so much, beta. You just sit here and talk to riya....would u like some Tea?"
" NO TEA!!!!" he almost shouted, as riya and her mum looked at him quizzingly. "I mean, i dont drink tea" "Why, i didnt know that! Didnt u have tea when we stopped over at the chailwallah when u were dropping me home last week? ", riya said, trying to figure.
"Well, i just kinda quit, uh, you know, the whole nicotine thingy, i mean it isnt so good for u, so u know , i am just trying to quit, yeah"
" OHKKK.......so i guess that crosses out coffee , u know, cuz of the caffeiene?"
"Bless YOU , LADY!" Sid thought......."uh, yes, i am afraid. Dont go through any trouble aunty, i have a full stomach anyway( and i sooooo wish that wasnt true)
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE DARK AND DEEP INSIDE SID
The Fart General addressed his men " My smelly comrades, the time has come for us to fulfill our destiny, to realize what we were created for. We shall have to fight, and some of us might not make it, but we SHALL GET OUR FREEDOM FROM THIS DARK CONFINES, We WILL Push towards the LIGHT......and we will NOT get out with a whimper.....but with a BANG!
The fart army went into a frenzy....they knew it was TIME. The Fart General continued" So its time we Push , Fight, wriggle or squeeze our way out by all means necessary. For we have to make way for our LORD, KING POOP! ALL HAIL KING POOP"
"ALL HAIL KING POOP! ALL HAIL KING POOP!" the farts cried out loud in unison.
Sid, felt frantic activity inside his bum...he knew it was just a matter of time. and did he just hear " all hail king poop?"
Riya saw him all tensed..."Baby, i know its weird to be meeting my folks, look at the bright side, dad isnt home yet, plus they r cool, they wnt eat u up. i hope u understand , i am not puttin any pressure on u"
AAaaarggghhhh! wat did she just say.......somethin abt pressure and eating and dad. Sid just nodded. Riya went nervous "is there anything u wanna share with me, kuchu?"
Yes, i need to FART! Fart like the wind, Fart like fire, Fart like no man in the history of this planet has ever farted before, BAD!! SO BAD, u cant even imagine!, well, he WISHED he CUD HAVE SAID THAT. But he managed "No sweetiepie....i,m fine. Just a lil nervous, but i,ll survive. Relax, your kuchu is ok" .
He hated baby talk (the things one does for love). His stomach grunted......
"Hehehehehe....." Sid laughed nervously. wat else cud he do?
Inside, The Fart army kept pushing away and toiling to make a way out against a seemingly insurmountable block of vaccum. They knew they had to go out and let the world Know that they had ARRIVED and it was their time, NOTHING was gonna stop them.
"C,mon BABY!!! u can tell me, wats wrong?."riya said, she was worried now. maybe he wanted to tell her something, maybe he didnt want her, maybe he was hiding something, did he really love her???...........
That was it. He looked at her, he smiled, knowing that it was time. "Riya, baby, i love ya.....and i always will" He got up.....Riya,s mum had just entered, she was looking worried too. He just stared....and finally he knew what he had to do, well atleast he had no other options. He saw the door, he saw SUNLIGHT pouring in....HE RAN........ the Fart army was almost there, they knew they had done it, they saw the opening, the hole, the LIGHT, and THEY RAN.
There it was, (imagine this in slow motion with poignant music playing in the background)...The run for freedom,the run from treachery, the run to THE LIGHT. Sid knew he didnt have long, he thought he heard somebody calling him, but nuthin mattered anymore...it was just him and the light, At the same time, the hole kept on getting bigger and brighter ...and the army cud almost taste the world outside.
Sid reached for the knob, as the 1st fart took off for the jump to freedom......the DOOR opened.....and the LIGHT ENVELOPED THEM.
THE END
P.S :- Okay, that is it. Nobody died. No Animals, Farts or Sids were harmed during the making of this Post.
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