Oh, the horror!

Prelude: This blog is inspired by a little creative exercise i did to get a foot into my latest job. This is what i wrote about then, and it turned out to be all kinds of awesome. Therefore, here it is , on my blog, for the entire universe to consume.

The year was 1632 . It was a bright summer day. The kind of day when you feel like nothing could go wrong. The sun is out, innocent children are out playing, the cow is chewing and hope and joy resonates all over. So when "It" was born that day, nobody could have predicted the doom and destruction it would bring. But "it"'s parents "Mr & Mrs Lack of Ideas"(people had weird names back then) knew. They grew "It" to be the best it could be and gave it their full support. That, howver, turned out to be not such a great idea for humanity(or, for that matter animality ,fishality and birdality).

"It" was known as Writers block. And it was EVIL. As it grew, people around it started to notice its sheer malevolence. It was as if the dark lord had chosen earth as his playground and the writers block was its agent. Innocent people didnt know what hit them. It was as if all originality and innovation were suddenly drained out of their bodies and all there was left was........everything else.

Writers block is immortal. It lives through the ages and it has caused some of the greatest tragedies. Not many know but all the Wars on our planet have been caused by boredom from not having anything interesting to read. Writers block kills more people per year than Sharktopus, Godzilla and Rakhi sawant combined. Now that is scary.And it can strike anyone, anywhere when you most expect it.

And there is nothing you can do to save yourself. Me, myself have had an uncontrolloable urge to stab myself with the keyboard (I tried, it just works better with pens). You can just wait. Because Writers block is there. In your room. And it's watching you.

Did you talk to your Pan Card today?

So here i was. Travelling to work by one of those Mumbai/Bombay Local Trains. And then i see it. And i notice this Pamphlet on one of the walls. "PAN Cards are compulsory now!" "Get one made today for just Rs299!" "Sitting at Home!". Nothing Unusual. You,ve all seen a bunch of these. But today i saw a line that stuck out. I had probably seen it before but didnt really give a Shit. "We make all TYPES of PAN Cards". Now this got me thinking. What TYPES could there be? What are they not telling us? Are PAN Cards evolving? Do they know you? Are you being watched?

I might have gotten a little ahead of myself here. But anyways, These are the TYPES of Cards that i think could/should exist:-

Pan Cards that fly.

Frying PAN cards.

Pan Cards that do cartwheels.

Pan Cards that ponder the reason for our existence.

Pan Cards that fight crime. Ooh, Oooh, even better they should be like:- SuperCards, BatCards, SpideyCards, IronCards?

Pan Cards that just sit there.

Pan Cards that are there for you when you are lonely.

Pan Cards that wonder if the Recent Gulf Oil Spill will have a permanent effect on the local ecosystem and what could be done to prevent that.

Evil Pan Cards (With an Axe).

Pan Cards that know what you did last summer.

Pan Cards that run in marathons.

Pan Cards that love YOU.

Pan cards that YOU love.

Pan Cards that are insecure about how others view them.

Pan Cards that are like YOU.

Pan Cards that are like ME.

Pan Cards that just want to live their lives simply and spread joy & find happiness. Is that too much to ask for?

I think i learnt something that day. No matter what TYPE of PAN Card you have, Its important for you to accept it as it is with all its flaws and issues. Because if it was any other Type, it wouldnt be YOUR Pan Card, would it?

Indifferent MAN! BACK on Unpopular Demand!

"pee poo! pee poo! pee poo! pee poo! pee poo" the annoying lil alarm sound on the mobile went. A hand reached for it. There was a reminder on the darn thing. "Wake up and SAVE THE WORLD" it said. The hand turned the mobile off and the man attached to the hand went back to sleep. "Or NOT!"

3 Hours later

The Man attached to the hand that turned off the mobile after reading the reminder on the alarm a.k.a INDIFFERENT MAN (refer to previous post for more details on this incredible awesome fantastic being) woke up. He was Hungry.

He was confused. Should he take a piss first or just head for the fridge and bother about relieving himself for a later time? Life was full of so many such tough , introspective questions. He made a note to self -MOVE THE FUCKIN FRIDGE INTO THE BATHROOM. Genius.

MEANWHILE, at a different postal address

Professor Evil was bored. Professor Evil was a dangerous man when he was bored. which was Most of the time. There was so much world domination to do, but he couldnt think of a clever, original way to do it. Becoming the head of a state, supressing innocent citizens, taking away liberties, genocide, waging a meaningless war had all been done before. He was thinking of creating an army of obedient zombie werewolves, but he preferred his dead to stay dead. And then it struck him. It was so beautiful in its simplicity. He was GOING TO...

BACK IN INDIFFERENT MANs DEN:-

Indifferent Man Switched on the TV and started channel surfing. At channel no 69, Some News channel reporter was screaming her head off "Intercourse me sideways! I am at the site here where Professor evil has unleashed his latest Evil Plan. What he has done is so Sadistic , its Unimaginable, Undescribable, Inexplicable, Professor EVIL HAS....." Nothing Good on TV.

Beer! There was need of beer. He was almost out of beer. so That meant he had to go get more beer. Like a lot of it. Beer was outside, In that place where u had to pay the person to get the beer. Therefore, to get beer, he would need to get outside. Indifferent Man was a Master of Deduction.

OUTSIDE!!!!

There was Silence. Not a soul, not a sound.....not even a whoosh of leaves rustling. Indifferent man whistled just to make sure he had not gone deaf from all the.....Listening to nothing. He could hear the whistle allright. Hmmm.....Had everybody died, Had the world ended? , Was he just imagining this? All a dream?, Was he dead and this was Hell (or Heaven)? , Was this the quiet before the Real Loud Anti-Climatic Storm?.......SUDDENLY! He felt like he was being watched. There was a Presence. He Took a Deep Breath. He Knew It was Time. He could feel it in his bones. Ha had to do what he was destined for. There was just no escaping. He Put his hand deep into the lower pocket of his cargos and drew out the ball. He Looked at the presence in the eye and said "GO Fetch Skippy!" to the Street Dog. Skippy just licked himself and walked off. **Heavy Pause**AAH WELL, Who gave a Shit, Now where do u get the beer here?

And thus, The Indifferent Man set out............

THE BLOODY FUCKIN END!!!!!!!!!!