Did you talk to your Pan Card today?

So here i was. Travelling to work by one of those Mumbai/Bombay Local Trains. And then i see it. And i notice this Pamphlet on one of the walls. "PAN Cards are compulsory now!" "Get one made today for just Rs299!" "Sitting at Home!". Nothing Unusual. You,ve all seen a bunch of these. But today i saw a line that stuck out. I had probably seen it before but didnt really give a Shit. "We make all TYPES of PAN Cards". Now this got me thinking. What TYPES could there be? What are they not telling us? Are PAN Cards evolving? Do they know you? Are you being watched?

I might have gotten a little ahead of myself here. But anyways, These are the TYPES of Cards that i think could/should exist:-

Pan Cards that fly.

Frying PAN cards.

Pan Cards that do cartwheels.

Pan Cards that ponder the reason for our existence.

Pan Cards that fight crime. Ooh, Oooh, even better they should be like:- SuperCards, BatCards, SpideyCards, IronCards?

Pan Cards that just sit there.

Pan Cards that are there for you when you are lonely.

Pan Cards that wonder if the Recent Gulf Oil Spill will have a permanent effect on the local ecosystem and what could be done to prevent that.

Evil Pan Cards (With an Axe).

Pan Cards that know what you did last summer.

Pan Cards that run in marathons.

Pan Cards that love YOU.

Pan cards that YOU love.

Pan Cards that are insecure about how others view them.

Pan Cards that are like YOU.

Pan Cards that are like ME.

Pan Cards that just want to live their lives simply and spread joy & find happiness. Is that too much to ask for?

I think i learnt something that day. No matter what TYPE of PAN Card you have, Its important for you to accept it as it is with all its flaws and issues. Because if it was any other Type, it wouldnt be YOUR Pan Card, would it?

Indifferent MAN! BACK on Unpopular Demand!

"pee poo! pee poo! pee poo! pee poo! pee poo" the annoying lil alarm sound on the mobile went. A hand reached for it. There was a reminder on the darn thing. "Wake up and SAVE THE WORLD" it said. The hand turned the mobile off and the man attached to the hand went back to sleep. "Or NOT!"

3 Hours later

The Man attached to the hand that turned off the mobile after reading the reminder on the alarm a.k.a INDIFFERENT MAN (refer to previous post for more details on this incredible awesome fantastic being) woke up. He was Hungry.

He was confused. Should he take a piss first or just head for the fridge and bother about relieving himself for a later time? Life was full of so many such tough , introspective questions. He made a note to self -MOVE THE FUCKIN FRIDGE INTO THE BATHROOM. Genius.

MEANWHILE, at a different postal address

Professor Evil was bored. Professor Evil was a dangerous man when he was bored. which was Most of the time. There was so much world domination to do, but he couldnt think of a clever, original way to do it. Becoming the head of a state, supressing innocent citizens, taking away liberties, genocide, waging a meaningless war had all been done before. He was thinking of creating an army of obedient zombie werewolves, but he preferred his dead to stay dead. And then it struck him. It was so beautiful in its simplicity. He was GOING TO...

BACK IN INDIFFERENT MANs DEN:-

Indifferent Man Switched on the TV and started channel surfing. At channel no 69, Some News channel reporter was screaming her head off "Intercourse me sideways! I am at the site here where Professor evil has unleashed his latest Evil Plan. What he has done is so Sadistic , its Unimaginable, Undescribable, Inexplicable, Professor EVIL HAS....." Nothing Good on TV.

Beer! There was need of beer. He was almost out of beer. so That meant he had to go get more beer. Like a lot of it. Beer was outside, In that place where u had to pay the person to get the beer. Therefore, to get beer, he would need to get outside. Indifferent Man was a Master of Deduction.

OUTSIDE!!!!

There was Silence. Not a soul, not a sound.....not even a whoosh of leaves rustling. Indifferent man whistled just to make sure he had not gone deaf from all the.....Listening to nothing. He could hear the whistle allright. Hmmm.....Had everybody died, Had the world ended? , Was he just imagining this? All a dream?, Was he dead and this was Hell (or Heaven)? , Was this the quiet before the Real Loud Anti-Climatic Storm?.......SUDDENLY! He felt like he was being watched. There was a Presence. He Took a Deep Breath. He Knew It was Time. He could feel it in his bones. Ha had to do what he was destined for. There was just no escaping. He Put his hand deep into the lower pocket of his cargos and drew out the ball. He Looked at the presence in the eye and said "GO Fetch Skippy!" to the Street Dog. Skippy just licked himself and walked off. **Heavy Pause**AAH WELL, Who gave a Shit, Now where do u get the beer here?

And thus, The Indifferent Man set out............

THE BLOODY FUCKIN END!!!!!!!!!!

THE SOLE ADVENTURE OF "INDIFFERENT MAN"!

The world is a scary place. It is full of scary people who want to do scary things. And sometimes they are more obvious than you would imagine...they have ruffled, uncombed greying hair, a squint in one eye and wear ill-fitting pants with a light-brown shirt and a tweed coat. And through some weird twist of fate (the back story of which i will conveniently forget to develop), they accquire enough nuclear weaponry to annhilate a few small planets. Lets call one such person Professor EVIL ( Am so original).

Such times call for a Hero unlike any other, a Hero who has the intellect, strength and agility far beyond any being in the DC or Marvel universe. A Hero whose mere mention is enough to make grown men seek the shelter of mama kangaroo,s pouch (i know, strange example). And there WAS such a hero. His name was "INDIFFERENT MAN" **shudders** ***collective gasp***

Indifferent man had super strength, super speed, super flying, super hearing, super smartness, super costume, super style , super sheer awesomeness although he chose to never display any of these super qualities because in his own words he "COUDNT BE BOTHERED".

And when the day came when Professor EVIL had decided to destroy every living being on the planet , on a whim, the world needed the hero more than any other time.

"All of YOU are going to DIE! i am gonna nuke the entire planet, and each and every one of you will have ur skin peeled of you! and even if you survive, you will Never survive the radiation, and even if you survive the radiation, you will NEVER survive the attack of the mutant Weasels!" Screamed Professor EVIL from a popular public platform

"OHKK! Fair enough!" the wise guy from the audience replied back "but if you nuke people from here , arent you gonna die the abovementioned gruesome deaths too, i mean shouldnt you be in a nuke-proof bunker or something?"

"AAH! i couldnt be bothered with the details, What matters is that my name will go down in History! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......."

"Point taken!" wise guy again "but if everybody dies, who is gonna report this remarkable achievement? i mean doesnt it defeat the point?"

"uhhh, errrmmmm.....You ask too many questions, stop pointing out loopholes in the PLOT! Now Play ALONG! say AARGHHHHH, we are all gonna DIE!"

Collective Scream- "AARGHHH, we r ALL GONNA DIE! " Terrified women in front of the camera "INDIFFERENT MAN! Where are you? Come SAVE us!

MEANWHILE!

Indifferent man woke up, put on his bunny slippers, stumbled into his bathroom, brushed his teeth, picked the newspapers, went back to the loo and took a dump and THOUGHT about taking a shower.

Back at the UNSPECIFIED PLACE amidst chaos and general public fear

Professor EVIL proclaimed "Nobody will save you, Not even god, Not any superhero, not the police, not any paramilitary forces, Not any random guy with a sniper rifle or a stone, while i just stand here unguarded with just a remote control in my hand and clearly not focussed! I will now continue with more of my evil maniacal Laugh! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

MORE public chaos , screaming , burning of buses and looting of electronic stores.

MEANWHILE,

INDIFFERENT MAN shaved, decided against a shower, took out some milk and cornflakes from the fridge, vaccumed the floor and generally scratched himself (and then some more).

BACK to U KNOW WHERE

Professor EVIL Shouted out" Anybody here with a BLUE TOYOTA COROLLA behind a Red Swift in front of Lazeez restauarant! please move your CAR! you are blocking the way of this nice family! Its precisely because of insensitive idiots like YOU that i am annhilating this planet!"

MEANWHILE

INDIFFERENT Man did nothing. Literally.

BACK TO the same place,

Professor EVIL THUNDERED" I,m bored. Am gonna go home. Lets do this again sometime tomorrow. Nice terrorizing you guys. Cheers!"

MORE Random screaming, burning of random cars, looting of electronics and underwear stores, And stone pelting at police.

MEANWHILE

INDIFFERENT MAN's Girlfriend came home. "Look what i looted today,honey! Look at this dress , and i got YOU this jacket! Do u like it?"

"hmmm!"

"GUESS WHY I GOT ALL OF THIS! I Am sure you dont even remember!"

"uhhh.....!"

"ITS OUR ANNIVERSARY!"

"So!?"

And thats the last anybody ever heard of INDIFFERENT MAN!