Did you talk to your Pan Card today?

So here i was. Travelling to work by one of those Mumbai/Bombay Local Trains. And then i see it. And i notice this Pamphlet on one of the walls. "PAN Cards are compulsory now!" "Get one made today for just Rs299!" "Sitting at Home!". Nothing Unusual. You,ve all seen a bunch of these. But today i saw a line that stuck out. I had probably seen it before but didnt really give a Shit. "We make all TYPES of PAN Cards". Now this got me thinking. What TYPES could there be? What are they not telling us? Are PAN Cards evolving? Do they know you? Are you being watched?

I might have gotten a little ahead of myself here. But anyways, These are the TYPES of Cards that i think could/should exist:-

Pan Cards that fly.

Frying PAN cards.

Pan Cards that do cartwheels.

Pan Cards that ponder the reason for our existence.

Pan Cards that fight crime. Ooh, Oooh, even better they should be like:- SuperCards, BatCards, SpideyCards, IronCards?

Pan Cards that just sit there.

Pan Cards that are there for you when you are lonely.

Pan Cards that wonder if the Recent Gulf Oil Spill will have a permanent effect on the local ecosystem and what could be done to prevent that.

Evil Pan Cards (With an Axe).

Pan Cards that know what you did last summer.

Pan Cards that run in marathons.

Pan Cards that love YOU.

Pan cards that YOU love.

Pan Cards that are insecure about how others view them.

Pan Cards that are like YOU.

Pan Cards that are like ME.

Pan Cards that just want to live their lives simply and spread joy & find happiness. Is that too much to ask for?

I think i learnt something that day. No matter what TYPE of PAN Card you have, Its important for you to accept it as it is with all its flaws and issues. Because if it was any other Type, it wouldnt be YOUR Pan Card, would it?

From Darkness to Feeling Light

DISCLAIMER: all the events and people in this are purely a figment of my imagination and any resemblance to you or any other people is purely co-incidental and well, lets face it, somewhat freaky.

SUB-DISCLAIMER: If any part of my lil story disgust u or make u feel like running towards a charging train or gaze at nothingness.....well, too bad, but try looking at the bright side.....IT IS a story about courage and Hope and fighting against all odds, although the odds have never been this odd.

Ok. here we go........

" I SHOULD SOOO NOT HAVE HAD MILK AND BANANAS BEFORE I LEFT", SID thought, to himself. Meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time was never a good time to have an upset stomach....and this was way worse than an upset stomach, he needed to unload a few BIG ONES to feel any better.

"Hullo beta, its so NICE to finally meet you. We,ve heard so much about you from riya."

Sid smiled and nodded. Riya,s mum seemed sweet. If only he didnt have a whirlwind in his lower tummy, he could have given her a more comprehensible reply. Sid thought about his alternatives:

1. LET fly a few, and lose all chance of ever coming withing a 1km radius of the girl that he actually really likes , or for that matter , anybody she knows.

2. Hold them in, and spend the next couple of hours in complete agony, and try not to think about what were the possible implications

3. Excuse himself to the restroom, which seemed like the best option, but could he risk that kind of stench in his girlfriends place. i mean he knew his farts, and these werent the kinds that any ordinary room freshener could combat (yes, i have been talking abt farts....if u havent gotten that already)

4.Hold his breath in and die.

There was no way out, he was doomed

"Wats wrong kuchu, u look so distracted?" Riya said, snapping sid out of his deep, very important thoughts. KUCHU!!!......he cudnt believe she actually called him that in front of her MOM!.

"Haan beta, are you ok?"

"Nahi aunty, i am fine, i was just admiring your house, its very beautiful". Right ON, he wanted to pat himself on the back for that one, but figured he cudnt risk too much physical movement.

"OH, Thank you so much, beta. You just sit here and talk to riya....would u like some Tea?"

" NO TEA!!!!" he almost shouted, as riya and her mum looked at him quizzingly. "I mean, i dont drink tea" "Why, i didnt know that! Didnt u have tea when we stopped over at the chailwallah when u were dropping me home last week? ", riya said, trying to figure.

"Well, i just kinda quit, uh, you know, the whole nicotine thingy, i mean it isnt so good for u, so u know , i am just trying to quit, yeah"

" OHKKK.......so i guess that crosses out coffee , u know, cuz of the caffeiene?"

"Bless YOU , LADY!" Sid thought......."uh, yes, i am afraid. Dont go through any trouble aunty, i have a full stomach anyway( and i sooooo wish that wasnt true)

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE DARK AND DEEP INSIDE SID

The Fart General addressed his men " My smelly comrades, the time has come for us to fulfill our destiny, to realize what we were created for. We shall have to fight, and some of us might not make it, but we SHALL GET OUR FREEDOM FROM THIS DARK CONFINES, We WILL Push towards the LIGHT......and we will NOT get out with a whimper.....but with a BANG!

The fart army went into a frenzy....they knew it was TIME. The Fart General continued" So its time we Push , Fight, wriggle or squeeze our way out by all means necessary. For we have to make way for our LORD, KING POOP! ALL HAIL KING POOP"
"ALL HAIL KING POOP! ALL HAIL KING POOP!" the farts cried out loud in unison.

Sid, felt frantic activity inside his bum...he knew it was just a matter of time. and did he just hear " all hail king poop?"
Riya saw him all tensed..."Baby, i know its weird to be meeting my folks, look at the bright side, dad isnt home yet, plus they r cool, they wnt eat u up. i hope u understand , i am not puttin any pressure on u"

AAaaarggghhhh! wat did she just say.......somethin abt pressure and eating and dad. Sid just nodded. Riya went nervous "is there anything u wanna share with me, kuchu?"

Yes, i need to FART! Fart like the wind, Fart like fire, Fart like no man in the history of this planet has ever farted before, BAD!! SO BAD, u cant even imagine!, well, he WISHED he CUD HAVE SAID THAT. But he managed "No sweetiepie....i,m fine. Just a lil nervous, but i,ll survive. Relax, your kuchu is ok" .
He hated baby talk (the things one does for love). His stomach grunted......

"Hehehehehe....." Sid laughed nervously. wat else cud he do?

Inside, The Fart army kept pushing away and toiling to make a way out against a seemingly insurmountable block of vaccum. They knew they had to go out and let the world Know that they had ARRIVED and it was their time, NOTHING was gonna stop them.

"C,mon BABY!!! u can tell me, wats wrong?."riya said, she was worried now. maybe he wanted to tell her something, maybe he didnt want her, maybe he was hiding something, did he really love her???...........

That was it. He looked at her, he smiled, knowing that it was time. "Riya, baby, i love ya.....and i always will" He got up.....Riya,s mum had just entered, she was looking worried too. He just stared....and finally he knew what he had to do, well atleast he had no other options. He saw the door, he saw SUNLIGHT pouring in....HE RAN........ the Fart army was almost there, they knew they had done it, they saw the opening, the hole, the LIGHT, and THEY RAN.

There it was, (imagine this in slow motion with poignant music playing in the background)...The run for freedom,the run from treachery, the run to THE LIGHT. Sid knew he didnt have long, he thought he heard somebody calling him, but nuthin mattered anymore...it was just him and the light, At the same time, the hole kept on getting bigger and brighter ...and the army cud almost taste the world outside.

Sid reached for the knob, as the 1st fart took off for the jump to freedom......the DOOR opened.....and the LIGHT ENVELOPED THEM.

THE END

P.S :- Okay, that is it. Nobody died. No Animals, Farts or Sids were harmed during the making of this Post.